


Babysitting, for Science!

by SandstoneSunspear



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-07 00:00:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12221607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandstoneSunspear/pseuds/SandstoneSunspear
Summary: Or alternatively known as: Why Alex (and Vasquez) can no longer be allowed to watch the kids without supervision. Ever.





	Babysitting, for Science!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NerdsbianHokie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdsbianHokie/gifts).



> So this was supposed to be a small thing that grew out of control. Hope y'all enjoy it. Erin's a creation of NerdsbianHokie. I'm just borrowing her for this piece.

The last time Lucy, Maggie, Kara and James had left Alex alone with the kids, they came from their double date to two overturned couches, a dog covered in goo and foam, a slightly smoldering kitchen, the remains of a baking soda volcano, a teenager wearing said remains, a toddler covered head to toe in flour, and one slightly singed, very sheepish agent. It took three days to get the house back into working order and in that time, three things quickly became apparent: One, Alex would be on the couch for the foreseeable future. Two, saying that the destruction had been ‘For science!’ was not an acceptable defence and would result in whoever said it ending up on the couch for an extended period of time. And three, Alex was no longer allowed to watch the kids by herself. Ever.

Alex sulked for several weeks and did her best to get back into Maggie and Lucy’s good graces. Jamie nearly avoided punishment until she snuck out one night to go to a diner that had the misfortune of getting robbed the night she was there. One appearance from Supergirl and the Guardian, followed by a severe, but panicked dressing down, and she wound up grounded and spent the next several weeks sulking alongside Alex. Dylan had his limited candy privileges revoked but, given that he was two, there really wasn’t much else that could be done.

For a while, it worked. Then came the day when Alex was on enforced mandatory medical leave and everyone else’s schedules misaligned.

-

“I’m telling you all, I can watch them!” Alex protested.

Maggie gave her an unimpressed look. “Danvers, the last time we left you alone with them you three nearly destroyed the kitchen,” she said. “There is absolutely no way we’re leaving you here, by yourself, again.”

“The kitchen wasn't that badly damaged,” Alex muttered.

A raised eyebrow from Maggie, Lucy and James was all she received in answer. 

Alex tried to appeal to her sister. “Kara, come on! I've got this!” 

Kara at least had the decency to give her sister an apologetic look. 

“Sorry Alex, but it did take three days to fix everything,” she pointed out.

Alex scowled. It hadn't been  _ that  _ bad. Sure, they had lost the ugly chicken tea cup and things had been smoldering when her wives, sister, and brother-in-law came back from their double date, but they had only smoldered a  _ little _ . Nothing had caught fire and the kids weren't hurt. In fact, Jamie and Dylan had had the times of their lives, if the matching grins etched in the faces of the teenager and toddler were anything to go by.

Lucy, ever the lawyer, decided to mediate. “Alex, hon, you know this isn't about what happened last time,” she soothed. “None of us feel comfortable leaving you alone with the kids because you're still injured.” 

“I'm fine now!” Alex distinctly ignored the throb her ribs gave off at that. She had taken a Tuskatan tail to the chest two weeks earlier and received two broken ribs for her trouble. 

“You yelped when Maggie elbowed you this morning,” Lucy said.

“She has sharp elbows.”  _ And you do too.  _ The early days of their relationship had taught Alex that whatever Maggie and Lucy lacked in terms of height, they more than made up for with the sharpness of their elbows.

“Uh huh.”

Seeing that she wasn’t convincing anyone, Alex tried a different angle. “It’s not like I’d be able to do much. We’ll probably just stay in the living room and watch Mulan for the umpteenth time, right, Jamie?” she called over her shoulder.

“Yeah!” Jamie shouted back from the kitchen.

Alex gave them all a look. “See?”

“Yeah, no,” Maggie immediately shot Alex down. “Still no dice, Danvers.”

Alex let out a frustrated breath and ran her fingers through her hair. If she was being honest, a good portion of reticence was because her pride was still smarting. She knew her ability to parent had never been called into question by any of them, but some part of her felt that she had to prove to them that she could watch the kids without any issue.

James, surprisingly enough, decided to be the voice of reason. “Look, Alex, man, there’s nothing wrong with having someone here to help,” he argued. “It’s not fair to you to have to watch the kids by yourself while you’re still injured, and yeah, Jamie’s going to be home, but do you really want her having to look out for you and Dylan?”

Alex deflated. As much as she hated to admit it, James had a point. Chasing after a rogue alien with bruised ribs was doable, but it wasn’t fun. Chasing after a toddler in a house with a non-linear floor plan with  _ broken _ ribs instead of bruised ones? It wasn’t going to happen. And the last thing she wanted was for Jamie to have to look after her because she’d gone and injured herself further.

“Fine,” she relented. 

Maggie and Lucy exchanged victorious looks. Kara let out a sigh of relief while James just gave a small smile. They all knew how stubborn Alex was. 

“Who are you leaving me with?” 

A sharp rap at the door was the answer. Before anyone could blink, Kara was off like a shot. She returned several moments later with Vasquez in tow. 

“Morning, ma’am’s.” They gave a wave.

Alex looked to Maggie and Lucy. “Seriously?” Of all the agents Lucy had to pick, it had to be Vasquez. It wasn’t like Alex had anything against them, quite the contrary. She admired how their silent plotting led to last minute guidance that, more often than not, turned out to be extremely beneficial. But she had been hoping for an agent who she could sway to her side. Vasquez had definitely been one of those agents before Lucy had entered the picture as the DEO’s Co-Director; Alex and Vasquez had been thick as thieves when it came to skirting the rules. But that was no longer the case. Vasquez, like many other agents, had a healthy amount of fear of Lucy and that was usually enough to keep them in line and away from helping Alex with any of her shenanigans. 

“Seriously.” Lucy’s tone left no room for argument. 

Alex appraised Vasquez. The agent looked like they had just rolled out of bed. Whatever professional air they tried to adopt in front of their bosses was ruined by the superhero t-shirt they wore and the ridiculous cowlick they had going on.

“Alright,” she said. 

Maggie let out a relieved breath. “Great!” She leaned in and gave Alex a quick kiss. “We’ll definitely make this up to you, Danvers. Most likely when your ribs are no longer broken.”

Alex couldn’t but smile as she returned the kiss. “Uh huh, I’ll be holding you to that, Detective.”

Maggie quickly hurried out, grabbing her jacket on the way. She was followed by Lucy, who stopped only to give Alex another kiss and murmur, “Please, for the love of god, just leave the house standing.” James just nodded to the two of them as he made his way to the door. Kara gave Vasquez a tight hug, drawing a noise that sounded like a cross between a yelp and a grunt from them.

“Thank you so much, Vasquez!” And with that, Kara zoomed out of the house, leaving Vasquez and Alex to stand side by side, awkwardly.

-

A strained silence settled over the two. Vasquez shifted nervously. They looked around.

“Nice house, ma’am,” they remarked.

“We’re off duty, Vasquez, Alex is just fine.”

“Right.” More nervous shuffling on Vasquez’s part. 

Alex decided to put Vasquez out of their misery. “Do you know how to handle a teenager and toddler that share a complete disregard for personal well-being?”

“Me and Erin have a menagerie of pets at home, ma-Alex,” they replied immediately. 

Alex couldn’t help it. She cracked a smile at their comment. “Close enough. Let’s go wrangle them up.”

“Should I mention that I’ve also worked alongside you for the last six years?” Vasquez asked casually as they headed to the kitchen.

A hard punch to their shoulder was Alex’s answer.

-

Vasquez had seen a great deal of things during their tenure with the DEO. Watch one of your bosses arrest the other boss for supposed treason? Bite your tongue and say nothing while cheekily going around the rules to help the arrested boss. Discover that your actual boss is an alien in disguise? Blink and go about your day. White Martians invade your workspace the night you planned to treat your wife to dinner? Kick ass, hurry home to apologise and end up in bed eating pizza with your wife instead of steak.

And yet, none of those experiences could have prepared them for the sight of Dylan Olsen-Lane’s puppy dog eyes. They had experienced Kara’s puppy dog eyes before, but hers had nothing on her son’s. Maybe it was because he was so young or maybe because one of his mothers was the literal embodiment of sunshine. Whatever it was, Vasquez found themselves crumbling before a set of shining eyes.

“Sci-ents, ‘Gent Vas?” Dylan asked shyly.

“Ah…” Vasquez glanced in Alex’s direction for help but she refused to look at them. Instead, her eyes were focused solely on the cup of coffee in front of her. In the background, Jamie was snickering.

“P’wease?” To Vasquez’s dismay, a quivering lip soon joined Dylan’s wet eyes.

“Um…how about you ask your mom?” They pointed at Alex.

The lip quivered harder. “Mommy say no ask Opie.”

_ Well, fuck.  _ There went that plan. Vasquez cast an annoyed look at Alex, whose eyes were still firmly planted on her cup of coffee. They glanced back down at Dylan, who now had fat tears rising in his eyes. They bit back a curse. A part of them wanted to call his bluff, but they couldn’t risk that his tears were  _ real _ , lest Director Lane find out.  _ She’ll kill me for making her son cry. _

Vasquez sighed. “Alright,” they conceded. “Small science only, though.”

In an instant, Dylan’s pouted lip vanished along side his tears. In its place was a wide smile. The toddler clapped happily and quickly rushed over to Jamie. Jamie laughed as Dylan’s words melded together due to the speed at which he talked.

“Really?” Alex spoke above Dylan’s loud babble.

“I know, ma’am,” Vasquez replied, resigned. 

“You’re in so much trouble when Erin decides she wants kids, Vas.”

Vasquez merely pinched the bridge of their nose in response.

-

Twenty minutes later, Alex, Dylan, Jamie, and Vasquez were back in the kitchen. They all made for a comical sight. Alex and Vasquez were both dressed in DEO-issue lab coats, a matching set of headphones and goggles hanging around their necks. Jamie wore Maggie’s ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron, Lucy’s motorcycle goggles, and Alex’s punk-rock headphones as ear protection. Dylan was dressed in not only a tiny apron, but a miniature lab coat as well. Vasquez, already taking a big enough risk doing this experiment, decided to place a small helmet upon his head.

A soda can sat atop a hot plate. Little wisps of steam emanated from the opening. Alex and Vasquez looked at their charges. 

“Alright.” Vasquez cleared their throat. “Ready?”

A firm, “Ready,” from Jamie and a shrill cheer from Dylan was the answer. 

_ Alright then.  _ Vasquez glanced at Alex, who gave them a firm nod. They took a breath before picking up the tongs. Carefully, they used the tongs to nudge the steaming soda can towards the bin full of ice water. They paused only to slip their headphones, a movement that was followed by Jamie and Alex, and then gave it a sharp jab.

_ CRUNCH!  _ The crumpling of aluminium was audible even through the thick ear protection everyone wore. 

Alex turned the hot plate off and removed her headphones. She looked at Jamie and Dylan. 

“Good science?” she asked them.

Dylan flailed happily in Jamie’s arms. “Moh!” he cheered. “Moh sci-ents!”

Alex sighed. “Buddy, no more science,” she said.

“Sci-ents!” Dylan protested. 

“I’m with him on this one, Alex,” Jamie spoke up. Alex gave her a look. “What? You’re really going to say no to that face?”

As if on cue, tears started welling up in Dylan’s eyes. “P’wease, Opie?” 

Alex refused to make eye contact. “Mommy and Emem said that we could only do small science, kiddo,” she explained. “Vas and me did the small science.”

Her answer wasn’t enough to satisfy him. To Alex’s chagrin, Dylan’s lower lip immediately went up in a pout. Then the sniffles started. 

Alex was an incredibly hardy figure. She never flinched at pain, stared down threats with disinterest, and broke kneecaps without breaking a sweat. She had endured multiple torture sessions from the likes of Cadmus operatives with defiance and snark. And yet, as soon as Dylan adopted his puppy dog eyes and started to sob, she folded faster than poker player with a rubbish hand.

She let out a breath. “Alright, buddy, one more experiment,” she said. “But, this is the last one. Otherwise Mommy and Emem will get really angry with us, okay?”

A gentle nudge from Jamie had Dylan’s tears subsiding. He sniffled a few more times before nodding his agreement.

“How about you two go grab the mini-shields I saw earlier and then head to the backyard while me and Alex grab the necessary equipment?” Vasquez suggested. 

Jamie looked ready to protest, but a raised eyebrow from Alex had her quickly voicing her agreement. She hurried out of the kitchen with Dylan still in her arms.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Alex dropped her elbows onto the countertop and pressed her face to her hands. A second later, she held a hand up.

“Not. One. Word.”

“Wasn’t going to say anything, ma’am.”

-

Vasquez stared at the large oil drum that sat on a bigger version of a hot plate. They looked at Alex warily. 

“Do I want to know why you had oil drums in your garage, Alex?” they asked.

“Makes for a good upper body workout.” Was Alex’s simple explanation.

Vasquez couldn't argue with that. They had witnessed Alex’s incredibly upper body strength over the years. At first, they had chalked it up to insane workouts and sheer stubbornness. Then they met Kara and understood why Alex was so strong. With a Kryptonian for a sister, she had to be.

“So are we going to do this?” Jamie asked, trying to her best to appear nonchalant. 

Alex glanced at her watch. If she strained her ears, she could just make out the sound of bubbling liquid rattling against the walls of the barrel. 

“Give it just a little more. Can’t rush science, after all,” Alex said. A beat. Then a frown. She glanced at Vasquez. “Where exactly did you get those barrels, Vas?”

Vasquez’s brow furrowed at the question. “From the back, I think.” 

“Behind the green ones?” 

Vasquez frowned at the concern in Alex’s voice. “Yeah.” That sounded about right. They’d been behind the green barrels. “Why?”

Alex said nothing. Instead, she bit her lip and tapped her phone a few times. A second later and her experimental blast screens went up.

“Mind cluing me in, ma’am?”

“Just a precaution.” Especially if Vasquez had grabbed the barrels that Alex had pictured in her mind. In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea to have a barrel or two containing experimental compounds in the garage. She’d been meaning to ask Kara to take them back to the Fortress, but work and life had kept the matter from her mind up until now. It was too late to remove the barrels from the heat, so the most that she could do now was pull up shields. At least the compounds weren’t toxic. 

Vasquez shrugged. Alex wasn’t running around like a chicken with its head cut off or chomping at the bit, so they assumed that the matter wasn’t too serious.

It was a bad assumption to make.

The bubbling got louder as the drums began to bulge, ever so slightly. At Alex’s nod, they turned on the hose. That proved to be mistake. A small shudder could be seen going through the metal the second the water hit it. It was quickly followed by the drums imploding with a resounding thud that was audible even through their headphones. Vasquez winced.  _ Oh boy.  _

The barrels gave an inaudible creak moments before the differential pressure saw fit to tug the metal even tighter. A second later the metal snapped, spilling the contents of the barrels over the hot plates. A moment of ignition was all it took before dust and debris went flying. Vasquez had never been more thankful to have an experimental blast shield in front of them. They and Alex quickly covered their charges as little picks of shrapnel collided against the energy shield.

The dust eventually cleared. Both agents looked up cautiously. Where a set of oil drums had been before, was now a smouldering crater in the middle of the backyard. Both Alex and Vasquez exchanged looks of dismay as they removed their respective set of headphones. They both shared a wince as smoke rose from the hole.

_ Lucy’s going to kill me.  _ To be fair, Alex hadn’t leveled the house. And the five of them had been looking to get rid of that tree stump that had held the heat plate, for months anyway.

_ I’m dead.  _ Lucy had given them one job and they had failed spectacularly at it. Vasquez could already see their tiny Director tearing them apart. 

Dylan startled both of them by giving a loud cheer. He clapped happily while pointing at the crater. Jamie grinned as she removed her headphones. She clapped Alex roughly on the shoulder.

“That was fucking awesome, Alex,” she said, a smile that reminded Alex of a cat that has just eaten a canary on her face. 

Alex weakly returned the smile before focusing her attention back to the hole in front of her. From behind the blast shield, it looked to be about as deep as Dylan was tall. She dreaded having to see it up close. There was no way they would be able to patch it before everyone else returned home. 

“Well...it could be worse?” Vasquez tried to offer optimistically. 

“How, Vas?” Alex demanded, suddenly exhausted.

“Nothing else went up and the house is still standing.”

The loud whistle of an object falling at terminal velocity caught their ears. As one, Jamie, Alex, Vasquez, and Dylan all looked up. Their eyes followed the heat plate as it came screaming back down to earth. It hit the ground with a thud that made the ground shake, leaving behind a respectable mini-crater next to the larger one.

Alex raised an eyebrow at them. “You were saying?”

Vasquez coughed. 

-

Lucy, James, Maggie, and Kara all came stumbling through the front door. All of them were exhausted, albeit for different reasons. Lucy had gone into work thinking that with Alex home, the amount of paperwork she would have to do in her wife’s absence would be reduced. She’d been sorely mistaken. She had conveniently forgotten that, for some insane reason, J’onn had seen fit to put Alex in charge of the baby agents. They emulated their instructor well, which left Lucy with a mountain of paperwork to deal with after one of them had thought it a good idea to breach an enemy fortification with an arrow and an alien Molotov cocktail.

Maggie, like Lucy, had been expecting an easy day. She was due to testify in court for a rather mundane case. It quickly turned out to be anything but when the defendant’s supposedly dead husband entered the courtroom, throwing everything into disarray. She’d been stuck combing through reports and evidence to try and figure out what the hell had happened.

Kara had spent the better part of her day speeding across National City. Apparently, the memo that today was going to be “Rob Just About Every Bank in the City” day had missed her. Eight bank robberies, seven pets stuck in trees, one domestic disturbance, six attempted muggings, three linguistic misunderstands that devolved into block-wide brawls, and countless autographs by amazed citizens left Kara dead on her feet. She was honestly amazed that she hadn’t solar flared.

James was doing little better than his wife, although he hadn’t spent the day fighting crime. Instead, he’d been fighting the CatCo board. Attempted budget cuts, half a dozen microaggressive comments, and a rather lewd accusation about his home life had set his teeth on edge. Had it not been for Cat Grant’s terse intervention, James had a feeling that he would’ve introduced several of the board members arses to his boots. As it stood, he had managed to get them to see reason but it left him drained. He had no idea how Cat did it all these years.

All four were more than a little apprehensive to return home, the memory of Alex’s last babysitting adventure clear in their minds. Of course, Lucy had full faith in Vasquez that they could handle a stubborn fellow agent, a toddler, and a teenger. The fact that Vasquez was watching after the three troublemakers managed to put their minds at ease, but not by much. 

Which was why when they walked through the front door, the sight of overturned couches and NERF darts scattered about filled them with dread. A second later, the loud cry of an eager toddler pierced the air. Vasquez and Dylan popped up from behind the couch and unleashed a volley of darts. Both froze when they saw just who stood in front of them.

“Ha!” Alex and Jamie quickly took advantage of their sudden stillness, not realising that Lucy, James, Kara, and Maggie had returned. The darts puttered against the frozen pair. Alex and Jamie shared a frown at the lack of reaction before following their line of sight. They too, froze.

Lucy was very unamused. “Agent Vasquez.”

“Ma’am,” the squeaked out from behind the couch they were hiding behind.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I left you alongside my wife to keep her and our children from getting into trouble, correct?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Does this look like a lack of trouble to you?” To be honest, Lucy knew that the living room looked much worse than it really was. Overturned couches, random foam darts scattered about, and a tilted painting or two were easily fixed. At least nothing was on fire and Gertrude wasn’t covered in goo this time. 

“No, ma’am.” In their defence, Vasquez quickly picked up Dylan. “But in my defence, ma’am, you try and resist saying no those eyes!”

On cue, Dylan’s eyes began to water as his lip slipped into a very Kara-esque pout. Vasquez was grateful that they were holding him up with his back to themself, otherwise they would’ve fallen victim to his eyes. 

It took a great deal of effort for Maggie, Kara, and James to look away from the glistening eyes of their son. Okay, Vasquez had a point. No wonder the house looked like it did. 

Lucy was the only one unmoved by the puppy dog pout. She fixed Vasquez with a look before also glaring at Alex.

“You both know better than this.”

“But--” Alex tried.

“So help me god, Alexandra, if the next word out of your mouth is ‘science,’ you’ll be sleeping on the couch for the rest of the year.” Lucy’s tone left brooked no argument. Alex’s mouth quickly clicked shut. In reality, the three of them would find themselves in back in bed together sooner or later, but Alex wasn’t going to risk it. She hated sleeping by herself.  

Lucy pinched the bridge of her nose. “Jamie,” she addressed the teenager. “Please take Dylan and go get cleaned up.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jamie stuttered out. She knew better than to argue with the lawyer.

Once the two were gone, Vasquez and Alex found themselves pinned under Lucy’s laser-like glare. 

“Really?” she demanded.

“The house is still standing!” Alex protested.

“But that yard isn’t,” James finally pointed out. Alex and Vasquez winced as eyes were drawn past the sliding glass doors. The crater was still visible even in the dying sunlight. At least it was no longer smouldering.

“Alexandra Danvers…” Maggie drew out. 

“Would you believe me if I said it was an accident?” Alex tried.

“Not a chance in hell,” Lucy and Maggie said at the same time.

“How exactly did you make a crater in the backyard?” Kara asked the question that was on everyone’s minds.

Vasquez and Alex shifted uncomfortably. There was no way they would admit to what happen. Though, they doubted they could get away with silence for much longer.

Lucy tried a different tactic. “One of you spills, otherwise Vasquez, I’m calling your wife, and Alex, I’ll put you on desk duty.”

Both twitched at the threats. Neither one of them doubted that Lucy would follow through. Lucy had called Erin before and Alex had been benched for lesser offences. 

Alex cracked first. Her hatred of desk duty and weakness for Lucy’s no-nonsense tone had her crumbling faster a plane in midair. She felt a little sorry for tossing Vasquez under the bus, but she had two upset partners to deal with, one of whom was her boss.

“Temperature induced explosive decompression experiment using the green barrels!” she blurted out.

Vasquez just face palmed. 

A deafening silence reigned in the living room. 

“The green barrels?” Kara asked faintly. “The same green barrels that had the experimental chemicals you’d been developing?”

It sounded really bad when Kara put it like that. “Well, I mean, yeah, they’re experimental, but they’re non-toxic and mostly stable and I had no idea this was going to happen,” Alex babbled. “And Vasquez was the one to grab them!”

Vasquez sputtered. “You told me to grab barrels from the garage!” they defended.

“The black ones!”

“It’s dark in your garage, Danvers!”

“You have a light in your cellphone!”

Maggie let out a shrill whistle that interrupted the verbal spar. It was evident that the two agent would be coming to blows soon enough. 

“Hey! That’s enough!” she shouted over the din of two warring agents. 

Both fell silent. Maggie Sawyer wasn’t a woman who raised her voice often. But when she did, you listened. If you ignored her, you did so at your own risk.

“Let me see if I can put this together, without interruptions, understood?” Alex and Vasquez nodded. “You two heated two barrels with unknown substances and then rapidly  _ cooled _ them?”

Both shifted uncomfortably. “Maybe…” Vasquez mumbled. 

“After which I’m guessing the resulting vacuum was too much for the metal, at which point they cracked and exposed the chemicals to the heat sources?”

Alex folded her arms and grumbled. 

Maggie pinched the bridge of her nose. That explained the crater. Sort of. “How did the smaller hole happen?”

More grumbling from Alex and nervous shuffling from Vasquez. 

Lucy exhaled. She rubbed the bridge of her nose. She could feel a headache coming one. She could only be thankful for the fact that this had happened at home, rather than at headquarters. At least she didn’t have to fill out paperwork for experiments that took place at home.

“Alright, I’ve heard enough,” she cut in. “Vasquez, I’m calling your wife and letting her know what went on here. Alex, you’re back on the couch until further notice.”

“Oh come on!” Alex protested. 

Lucy held her hand up, cutting off any further protest. “I’m not done, Danvers,” she said sharply. Alex wisely fell silent. Vasquez would’ve laughed, if they weren’t terrified. “It’s obvious that the two of you together do not equal one adult--”

Twin sets of indignant, “Hey!”s hit the air. A raised eyebrow from Maggie and Lucy quickly quieted them.

“I’m never having the two of you watch the kids again, ever.” 

“But--”

Maggie pointed to the large hole in the backyard. Alex and Vasquez winced. Okay, that was fair. 

“That’s what I thought,” she said with a nod.

“Do you really need to call my wife, ma’am?” Vasquez piped up. “I mean, your house is standing, the kids are alright…”

“You and my wife put a crater in our backyard, Agent Vasquez, so yes, your wife needs to be called.” The ice in Lucy’s voice made it clear that what little patience she had left was quickly dwindling. Everyone in the room flinched.

Alex shook her head.  _ “Vas, come on, you know better than that,”  _ she muttered under her breath.

_ “You threw me under the goddamn bus, Danvers,”  _ they hissed back.  _ “Sue me for trying to save my own ass from  _ my _ wife!” _

“A’hem,” Kara coughed. “Lucy, I get you’re mad right now, but Erin doesn’t get out of work for another hour, right Vas?”

Vasquez frowned slightly at the random question, but gave a cautious nod. 

“So why don’t call Jesse and get pizza and wait for Erin to get off work?” Kara adjusted her glasses. It was more out of a nervous habit than anything else. “I mean, it’s been a long day anyway, what’s another hour or two?”

Realisation dawned on Alex. Kara was trying to buy them time and give Lucy time to calm down. She gave her sister a grateful look.

“I’m with Kara on this one,” James spoke up.

Lucy narrowed her eyes. She knew just what Kara was up to, but five growling stomachs, including her own, made her concede to the younger Danvers.

“Alright,” she said with a sigh. “But,” she pointed at Vasquez and Alex. “You two are going to fix the couches and staying on them until the pizza gets here.”

Alex and Vasquez knew better than to argue. Thanks to Kara, they’d been granted a little bit of reprieve. Instead, there merely gave a quick nod and quickly went about fixing up the living room. 

-

By the time Erin arrived at the Danvers-Olsen-Sawyer-Lane household, five empty pizza boxes were stacked precariously on the kitchen counter. Between one hungry Kryptonian, a teenager going through puberty, a toddler, and five exhausted adults, the pizza never stood a chance. A knock at the door saw Kara vanish and reappear with Erin in tow.

Erin took in the scene before her. Her spouse and the Danvers-Olsen-Sawyer-Lane family were seated around the table. They’d all been there a while, if the number of pizza crusts and empty boxes were anything to go by. 

“Hey, babe!” Vasquez greeted cheerfully. They ignored the snort from Alex and aimed a kick at her shins instead.

Erin frowned ever so slightly at her spouse. They had a look of almost perfectly believable look of innocence on their face. Having seen that look cross their face on more than one occasion, she wasn’t the slightest bit convinced. 

Still, she walked over and pressed a kiss to the side of their head. “Hello, love.” She looked to Lucy. “Director Lane, I assume my spouse was of help today?”

Vasquez quickly shoved a piece of veggie supreme into their mouth. Alex choked on her soda, having been mid swallow at Erin’s question.  

Erin raised an eyebrow at both of their reactions.  _ Well, alright then. _

“You could say that.” Two more frantic bites saw Vasquez’s veggie supreme disappear. Alex continued to choke until Maggie finally stepped in and gave her a few harsh thumps on her back.

Erin sighed. “What did they do this time?” She was hoping it wasn’t something completely insane this time around. The fact that the house was still standing and that Vas didn’t smell like burned hair were small blessings.

“Hey!” Vasquez protested around a mouthful of pizza. “What makes you think I did anything?”

Erin just gave them a look. “I keep a list,” she said dryly. “It’s alphabetised.”

Alex coughed out a laugh. Lucy and Maggie both raised an eyebrow at her.

“What are you laughing at Danvers?” Maggie asked. “Luce and I do the same thing.”

That quickly shut Alex up. She scowled at them and went back to eating her pizza, grumbling out, “Assholes,” as she did so.

Lucy glanced back at Erin. “To answer your question, Erin, I would advise you look outside.” She pointed out to the backyard.

Erin eyes followed Lucy’s movement. The backyard light was on. It was bright enough to illuminate a respectable amount of the area. Her eyes widened at the sight of a large crater. Her head snapped to Vasquez.

“Vasquez!” 

Vasquez shrunk in their seat. “Uh, it was an accident?” they tried. “It was for science?”

“You put a hole in your boss’s back yard, for science.”

“Maybe?”

Erin face palmed. Honestly, she didn’t know why she was surprised. After ten years of marriage, she was used to their quirks. They had a propensity for bringing home odd things like pets, weapons, and new dinner ideas based off alien dishes they encountered at work. She accepted that they had drunken built a fully self-aware AI shortly after their wedding and their tendency to perform experiments in the garage Saturday mornings with a fond exasperation. But this? This was a bit too much for her liking.

“Vasquez?” 

“Yes, dear?”

“You’re sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future,” she bluntly informed them.

“Yes, dear.”

Erin sighed. “Director Lane, I apologise for my spouse,” she said. 

Lucy waved her off. “Honestly, this is kind of on me. I probably should’ve known better than to leave Alex alone with her partner in crime.”

Two indignant cries of, “Hey!” rang out.

“Still, if there’s anything I can do to make up the carnage…” Erin knew that crater in the ground wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but it was still a considerable amount of damage. At least she had experience with landscaping. The front yard of the house she and Vasquez was proof enough of that.

“Well…” Maggie started off thoughtfully. She exchanged a look with Lucy, who glanced at James, who looked to Kara, who looked back at Maggie.

“Alex is still injured,” Kara mentioned casually. 

“And I’m going to be court again tomorrow,” Maggie added.

“And we’re still running training exercises at headquarters,” Lucy said.

“The board requested another meeting for tomorrow to go over the budget. Again,” James informed the table, rubbing his temples at the thought.

“I hate you all,” Alex grumped, knowing just exactly where this was going.

“And I’m guessing that means you’ll need someone here?” Erin noted.

Lucy nodded. “Someone to help out, since Thing 1 and Thing 2 here have proven that you can’t leave the two of them alone together, even if it’s just to watch kids.”

Erin nodded her understanding. “I’m reluctant to leave my spouse at home alone,” she said.

Vasquez gave their wife a wounded look. “I’m not that bad!”

“EDI, love,” Was Erin’s simple response. 

Vasquez huffed before scowling down at the abandoned pizza crusts on their plate. 

“So, is this your roundabout way of asking for my help to manage two masters of chaos and their respective apprentices?” Erin asked.

“Pretty much,” Maggie piped up.

Erin thought about it. She did have the next two days off. Making sure that her spouse and their partner in crime didn’t get into too much trouble was easy enough. 

“You have a deal, if Maggie makes her feijoada.” Erin had experienced it once after Vasquez had brought home leftovers from the annual DEO-Thanksgiving potluck. For a vegan take on the traditionally meaty Portuguese stew, it had been sublime. Within two bites, Erin was hooked.

Lucy and Maggie glanced at each other. “I believe I can be convinced to make some,” Maggie remarked casually. 

Jamie quietly fist-pumped under the table. Like Erin, she too enjoyed Maggie’s feijoada. Having been been raised on the meat-based version most of her life, Jamie had been rather reluctant to try a vegan version of her childhood staple. But she quickly came to enjoy it and considered it far better than anything their mother could have ever made.

“Then I’m more than happy to help.” Erin tipped her head, a quirk she had gained from her spouse. 

“Excellent!” Lucy was relieved. Now she could be certain that explosions for the sake of science would be kept at a minimum. At least, she hoped she could be certain. If Erin succeeded in reigning in Alex and Vasquez, then Lucy had every intention of going to J’onn and Pam to see if they would be willing to hire her.

“So...pizza?” Kara offered.

Erin couldn’t help it. She laughed. It was such a Kara thing to do: offering food at the end of negotiations. It was endearing. 

“I’ll have a slice or two since Mx. Vasquez over there promised me dinner,” she teased. 

“And you’ll get your dinner,” Vasquez snarked back. 

“Mmhm, promise, promises,” Erin remarked as she sat down next to them.

Vasquez frowned for a moment, not quite understanding what she meant. Then Alex and James choked and it clicked. They felt their cheeks burn. They gently shoved their wife’s shoulder.

“Ass.”

“Hey, I thought you liked my ass.”

Kara and Maggie snickered. Lucy shook her head. It was rare to see the normally unflappable Vasquez so flustered. And yet, with just a few teasing remarks from their wife after a dressing down, they were as red as a tomato.

Erin pressed a kiss to their cheek. “You know I’m just teasing you,” she murmured.

Vasquez grumbled, but a smile played across their lips. 

“So…” Alex started.

“You’re still not off the hook, Danvers,” Maggie interrupted. 

Alex fought the urge to pout. She was a badass agent who did  _ not  _ pout. She settled for sighing instead. 

“Is there any chance that…”

“Nope.” Lucy took a sip of her soda. “You’re on the couch.”

“Even if--”

“Nope,” Lucy and Maggie said together. 

Alex huffed as Kara and James chuckled. Vasquez snickered at the sight of one of their bosses being shut down so thoroughly. 

“I hate you both,” she grumbled.

“Love you too, Danvers,” Maggie and Lucy chorused together.

Alex grunted. But a smile made its way across her face. She loved them too, even if they had just exiled her to the couch for the foreseeable future. Besides, they would end up on the couch with her. They were all too sappy not to. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Don't forget to comment and leave a kudos before you leave. Come check me out on tumblr @sandstonesunspear and drop me some prompts or just to say hi.


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